Hey, Big Boy

You're not going to believe this. I am starting to get mail from feline seductresses.

That's right. I, a church cat, am getting mail from felines who are smitten, send me sultry photos of themselves, and I haven't the faintest idea why. Just from their looks, I know what they have in mind would make my whiskers curl and put a permanent kink in my tail.

One day, I was minding my own business and lo and behold, tucked just under my windowsill cushion was this picture with its accompanying envelope. I noticed no return address, but it was sent to me here at Temptation rectory. There was a note which read: "Tom, I would love to get to know you." Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

This situation brings to mind the many times Temptation Parish is taken the wrong way. The full name is Temptation of Christ Parish. The only problem is humans like short cuts, so it's called Temptation. That's just asking for trouble. One time we had a celebrity auction. Nobody could figure out why we were getting lingerie, hot tub gift cards, suites at hotels in the Poconos, and racy magazine subscriptions. I can't remember what started it all, but talk about embarrassing. Will went nuts, Jack laughed it off and Mary Lou was wondering what we were going to do with perfectly good stuff.

Will keeps hounding Jack that we have to be so careful. I don't think Jack even listens. I think he gets a secret kick out of all the misunderstandings. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find out that he's the one who put the picture of this hot little mama under my pillow in the first place.

I want to make it clear that I have a reputation to uphold and an example to set. And, to this dear little lady who is trying to entice me, I say maybe in another life...

    --Tom