Putting Me to Work

This appeared in the church bulletin yesterday. I take umbrage with the "cheap" part.

The housekeeper thinks that if I'm such a mancat, I should be earning some money. She has farmed me out as an expert on how things should read. I grudgingly accepted my first assignment. What a disaster!

Here's a portion of what I had to correct until I gave up to save my sanity: (a letter presumably to some cat toy company by a parishioner who should go back to school)

Deer Slurs  To Whom It May Concern:

I bot  bought this Clap Trap Rat Trap cat toy online and it is crap. (We do not say crap when trying to fix the problem!!) Say: It is not functioning properly!! It wunt won't work. I tried  effrything  everything. I spent my last pennee penny..

It was at this point I became suspicious. I just KNOW some individual who shall remain nameless planted this letter to be funny. Wait till I get my paws on HIM OR HER!!

That's it. I'm done. No more practical jokes for me!!

Holy and smart,
Tom