Saturday, May 29, 2010

Hey, Big Boy

You're not going to believe this. I am starting to get mail from feline seductresses.

That's right. I, a church cat, am getting mail from felines who are smitten, send me sultry photos of themselves, and I haven't the faintest idea why. Just from their looks, I know what they have in mind would make my whiskers curl and put a permanent kink in my tail.

One day, I was minding my own business and lo and behold, tucked just under my windowsill cushion was this picture with its accompanying envelope. I noticed no return address, but it was sent to me here at Temptation rectory. There was a note which read: "Tom, I would love to get to know you." Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

This situation brings to mind the many times Temptation Parish is taken the wrong way. The full name is Temptation of Christ Parish. The only problem is humans like short cuts, so it's called Temptation. That's just asking for trouble. One time we had a celebrity auction. Nobody could figure out why we were getting lingerie, hot tub gift cards, suites at hotels in the Poconos, and racy magazine subscriptions. I can't remember what started it all, but talk about embarrassing. Will went nuts, Jack laughed it off and Mary Lou was wondering what we were going to do with perfectly good stuff.

Will keeps hounding Jack that we have to be so careful. I don't think Jack even listens. I think he gets a secret kick out of all the misunderstandings. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find out that he's the one who put the picture of this hot little mama under my pillow in the first place.

I want to make it clear that I have a reputation to uphold and an example to set. And, to this dear little lady who is trying to entice me, I say maybe in another life...

    --Tom

3 comments:

Father Tom said...

This is too short for a post..Ever since Brian gave me an award on his blog, I haven't been able to think of nine things about myself that everybody doesn't already know. What I say here gets right down to my soul.
I promise I will think of a few new things. The big one is I don't know where I came from. Little things will trigger memories. Here's one:
I love to sleep on a pile of clean clothes. The smell? Better than catnip!

Brian said...

See you're off to a good start! And hey, give the ladies a chance...when would Adam have been without Eve? Anyways, you really can't help it if the ladies have good taste!

Everycat said...

Tom, the problem is that you are a handsome mancat. Could you not contemplate even one small mutual grooming session with that very pretty ladycat?

I think you could y'know

Wicked Wuudler